The Definition Of Friendship

Over the years, I have hyper-focused on defining the concept of “friendship.” What does it mean for someone to be considered my “Friend”? Below is what I have settled on (for now) after five years of deliberation.

Disclaimer: I do not claim to have this definition complete, or finished, but I do have it polished enough to provide a powerful parallel shift. Friendship growth is necessary for happiness and success.

Three core pillars are mandatory for anyone to be considered a friend. These three must be consistent throughout the hierarchy and are required, even at the most basic level of friendship. 

Value

There are numerous ways someone can provide value to your friendship. As someone who is multi-skilled, I often gravitate toward individuals who possess the information or service I seek. 

Joy

Do these humans make me feel good when I see them? Do I walk away feeling better, worse, or unchanged?

Good Intentions

 I start each new human interaction expecting the other person to have good intentions toward me. I trust that, with time, the person will reveal themselves before we develop our friendship into something more meaningful. 

Friendship can be defined in terms of a hierarchical structure of layers. As friendships evolve, they progress to the next “layer.” When a friend ranks up, personal boundaries can be removed, providing additional growth opportunities. Below is the layer format that I use.

Friend

The three foundational friendship variables are Value, Joy, & Good intentions. As long as those three boxes are checked, that person is considered a friend.

Good Friend

After spending time getting to know a friend, you may develop a fondness for their unique qualities. You realize the three pillars are all strong, and you crave more. This is often when I share my personal goals and aspirations because I am slowly beginning to remove boundaries I had with a baseline friend. For me, this bridge has exposed friends who have bad intentions. However, thanks to the layer system in place, as soon as I removed a few boundaries, the intention behind the “friend' became clearer.

Family Friend

Some friends and even good friends never meet my family, or I do not meet their family. For a “good friend” to evolve into a “family friend”, my family must also accept the individual as a friend or vice versa. This type of friendship yields a substantial return on investment (ROI) for a family because they now share the benefits this friend provides, and because this friendship has evolved into a “family friend,” even more boundaries can be safely removed, allowing the friendship to become more intimate.

Family

Over time, family friends can become your family. Held to the same status or standard as your bloodline. It's hard to say when this happens, but you will know when/if this occurs. Over time, family friends can show relentless support. Seeing you through your ups and downs. Some may argue that this stage of a friendship is one of the most valuable assets a human can possess. It is home. It is safety.